Dodgy!

News

India rattled by vibrating condom - BBC News


Insurance Advert - Funny

For cheap student insurance - Karma Insurance (lol) karma abi?

Even dodgier (SA News for laughs):

Joburg is making itself respectable, and its our duty to help as far as we can. therefore, job titles will be "upgraded" (as was approved in parliament) and we have to familiarise ourselves with these titles just in case some foreigner is listening when we are talking....;

NEW JOB TITLES IN THE NEW SOUTH AFRICA in preparation for 2010!!!

Gardener : Landscape Executive and Animal Nutritionist

House Maid : Family Environs Upkeep Manager

Receptionist :Front Office Manager/Office Access Control Specialist

Typist / Secretary : Printed Document Handler

Messenger : Business Communications Conveyer

Window Cleaner : Transparent Wall Technician Temporary

Teacher :Associate Tutor

Tea lady : Refreshment Overseer

Garbage Collector : Public Sanitation Technician

Watchman/security : Theft Prevention and Surveillance Officer or Wealth Distribution Prevention Officer

Prostitute : Practical Sexual Relations Officer

Thief : Wealth Distribution Officer

Driver : Automobile Propulsion Specialist

House Assistant/Maid : Domestic Operations Specialist

Employee without Portfolio : Administration Manager

Cook : Food Preparation Officer

Murderer : Population Stabilizer

Beggar : Financial Gatherer Cleaner : Hygiene Specialist

Do Not Forget

Unemployed :Township Management

Gossiping :Research Management HOLA!!!!!!!!! Live from SA!

Now, the not so dodgy stuff:

Emaginephotos - my dear friend (although I haven't seen her in a while) - Mrs Nkwoji's photo service and photoblog are ab fab! Emagine Photography. She takes good shots and applies great post processing in some cases, so check out her photoblog. Some of her pics below:

Bella, also has some stuff on the opening/launch night of Made Mags


Back to the slightly dodgy:

Monique at the very recent BET Music Awards doing a Beyonce - NOT BAD (she was the host).

In case you missed the Awards, some more coverage for you here:

Watch Beyonce's mad performance and featuring Kelly Rowland/Eve

Damn, they removed it, check it out here on DailyMotion. Thanks Anonymous! :o)

Suzy Peaches' Fruit Basket (Issue #11)

Hello my lovely readers,

I'm so sorry I have not been in touch for a couple of weeks now. I've been swamped with work.

Neways I'm back and I trust you are well. I think this week I'll draw our discussion closer to home. And when I say home I need in literally – HOME.

Home is not only where you live but also where your heart is. For me home includes absolutely everybody that affects me directly or indirectly as well as the people who affect those who I love directly or indirectly.
As you can see my net expands daily.

Now let’s tighten the reigns of that net…

What is your vision for your home? What did you think or should I say dream your life would be like?
Can it be compared to how it is today? Now think of the role you have played in the symbiosis.

To be honest I don't really have anything exceptional to say this week. I however will like to share my favourite poem with you. The Poison Tree by William Blake.

The Poison Tree

I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I watered it in fears,
Night and morning with my tears;
And I sunned it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright,
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine,

And into my garden stole,
When the night had veiled the pole.
In the morning, glad I see
My foe outstretched beneath the tree.


The poem talks about the consequences of unforgiveness. I can hear you ask "What has this got to do with me?" – The answer is simple: - The condition of your heart determines your productivity and could hinder you achieving your purpose. The bottom line is if you are happy with yourself and your relationships – You’ll be in a better place to start achieving your life goals and ambitions.

We all know the story of the prodigal son, may I suggest you read it again but this time consider the brother who didn’t leave. The brother who stay with his father – Can you now see how easy it is to justify unforgiveness?

Enough said. Enjoy your weekend.

Love always,

Suzy

(Untitled)

Video on YouTube - How To Pick Up Nigerian Women (Toooo Funny)

Mona's Comment: Please note this is not how to pick up all Nigerian Women, for those who are not aware - although this is slightly common, it does not always happen like this lol (I bow my head in shame lol)

Video on YouTube - Fish Go Deep Dancing (This is SERIOUS)

Mona's Comment: I think at one point he spanked himself and at another point he slipped, am I right?

Mona's Blog Roll:

I'm shouting out an interesting blog this week - The Passion of A Writer by my friend, Adeola Adelekun.

It is a very inspiring blog for Christian Singles, talking about real life situations a lot of young people find themselves in and words of advice. I'm loving her writing style, check it out!
P.S. Are you guys feeling my shout out pic? As in REAL SHOUT OUT.

LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST!

Check out DonChiChi (friend and fellow blogger) starring as Timon in the Lion King at The Muson Centre, Onikan, Lagos on the 29th and 30th of June. So for those in Lagos, try and make it. See flyer below:

Gist!

............hehe ways to catch readers' attention 101 (no gist oh!)

Well I have some yarning to do (aren't you guys happy? - MONA IS BACK). Okay apparentlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, I sound like some Sultry Seductress on my Voice Player - DOUBLE LAWL! Gimme a break guys, that was my CoolFM Nightshift Show voice jo! You know like when they begin to play Jodeci and Toni Braxton, etc. past midnight.

Anyway sha it ain't no 0901 voice and for those who were getting excited when they heard it - keep you knickers on (...I also did not mean that literally).

Okay so,

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Mona is not a sultry seductress, her voice is just nice HAHAHA ok well her CoolFM Nightshift Show voice. Thanks for leaving voice comments guys!

Now, next.......one of my avid readers mentioned I never explained why I was M.I.A for that long and she was waiting. Well, okay so here is my explanation....I eloped to another continent.....with a loved one, left my family, friends, blogging, work....and put all my eggs in that basket....obviously the basket had massive holes and all the eggs cracked, so I ran back!

Okay, okay seriously....ehn well I went on holiday and jetlag did not permit me to update as much as I wanted to jare. I'm back sha - take it or leave it.

Mona's Weekender :o)

Calabar Gal bought a book to get rid of her accent - check it out here.

Recently re-discovered Wale Adeyemi's website so check it out. Amerie, Charlotte Church and Estelle are amongst those who wear his stuff. Cool huh?

Please check out the following site - www.acousticgospel.com and their myspace where you can listen to some of their tracks - sure is something! :o)

I Can't Forget the Ladies:

For the Ladies - Oprah's Five Friends Every Woman Should Have - check it out here

The following video is for both ladies and gents oh, Alicia Keys reciting a poem on Def Poetry Jam - Amazing:

Ain't forgotten Nollywood Either:

Also, check out NaijaVixen's incredible post, featuring the movie which is coming out soon titled - The Missing Goat Meat!

Miss ChiChi also tells me there will be a premiere of the movie - The Return of Beyonce (hehe trust Nollywood).....being held in Manhattan and Brooklyn this weekend. Also check her post for some other Nollywood stuff.

More on the event at http://www.payless4movies.com/event.html

It's a WRAPPPPPPPPPPPP!

A Few Funny Things I Heard This Week

Hahahahahahahahah!

I was going out for lunch with one of my Chinese friends and we decided to get some Vegetarian curry (ehn before any of you say anything, I wasn't too excited at the idea of no meat but I didn't mind hehe). Anyway, we got there and there were a few random things on offer, a bit like when you get to a Naija restaurant and there are Naija movies, phone cards, flyers, tickets for sale, etc. However, there were a few queer things available for sale in this Asian canteen besides phonecards et. al....my eyes scanned the list and it stopped at Vegetarian Viagra - SAY WHAAT? We just froze at the same time and looked at each other lollll. Never heard of that but I sure have learnt something new this week. Viagra suitable for vegetarians, so what are they like gluten free or what? Sheesh. LOL

------------------------------------------------------------------

Yea, so I was talking to my girlfriend, Tanny, on the phone the other day...it was kind of late at night and we were talking about a lot of random stuff and then the following conversation came up:

Tanny: So I had this Ghanaian friend in Uni and one day she was gisting us about how she was dating some guy named Rodney, they split up later and a few years down the line she heard he had been 'sectioned'.

Mona: Sectioned as inn sectioned?

Tanny: Yes oh, sectioned (mental health).... first off who dates someone named Rodney sef? When you see that kind of name, shouldn't you run? Anyway yeah so one day after they split up, he calls the girl randomly and starts talking to her and then goes "did I ever tell you about my tail?" The girl was obviously dazed.

[Note - this conversation was actually as a result of a discussion on "inbreeding" and the outcomes - i.e. some people are born with deformities as a result, I don't know about tails sha]

Mona: Tail as inn tail (i.e. rabbit's tail, that kind of tail)? So did he really have a tail?

Tanny: Nooo nowwww obviously the guy had gone off the rails so he was talking out of his @$&%

Mona: Phew! Men cos I was about to go and switch my lights on cos I ain't going to sleep with thoughts of a guy wagging his tail men.

Mona and Tanny: LOL

Random story but we laughed for like 5 mins....'twas quite funny especially b'cos I believed.

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Last but not least, Dimples (a regular commenter on blogville) called my attention to an excerpt in Naijafineboy's blog, read below and LAWL yourself to death:

Apparently, after leaving the club last weekend, she and her friends went to the Den. (This Nige food spot in London). She now heard this egbon (big bros) on the phone talking to some chick. The guy goes “Baby, you are too funny. Lawl lawl lawl lawl!”I wan die men! As in the guy was actually saying “LOL” on the phone, like “Lawl, lawl, lawl!” Oh my days, only Naija man. If you don’t know what the hell it means, why say it? Na wa o.

Truth be told - I cackled like a witch for almost half an hour at this joke - Dimples can testify. Funny now I don't believe it's true and if it is, KAIIIII........nice one Fineboy.

Mallam......We Love Your Suya

For those who ain't seen this yet! YUM

Blogging Can Be Fun

Especially when you have funny things to blog about! Meanwhile, noticed anything different on my blog lately? :P Y'all should check out my voice player and leave a voice comment - it's free of charge!

Follow the instructions....... And, if you have a VoicePlayer too, I'll reply. Thanks!

News:



Debut copies of the first issue of Newsquest newspaper were sold in Nigeria today, watch the Newsquest-NG space. Please support, a copy costs N100 and it is worth checking out at least.

Bizarre Old News (BBC) - Woman jailed for ripping off ex- boyfriend's testicle with her bare hands. Although this is two years ago gist, I am guessing a lot more things are humanly possible. Read here

ThisDay Music Festival (2007) - Shakira, Legend, UB40 to Star at THISDAY Festival. Read here


Events This Weekend:



15th - 17th June, Keynote Speaker - Danny Glover


Theme - Nollywood: Emerging Talent and Technologies


Check out http://www.nollywoodfoundation.org/

Funny Stuff:

Why Can't Everyone's Grandma Be As Funky As This Lady?

This Brazilian clip had me in stitches - haba!

Have a good weekend folks!

What's Really Good in Blogville?

Dipo Tepede (Poet) is giving away N33,000 to the lucky blogger/writer/poet/anyone who can write, entertain, inspire, empower and communicate to celebrate his blog's one year anniversary

These are the following criteria:

1) All entries would be critique and the best 12 would be featured on this site where readers would vote for the best piece.
2) All entries must not be more than 2 pages of Microsoft Word.
3) Deadline is applicable and double entry is not permitted.
4) The email address you send it through would be your signature and authentication; please, guard it and check frequently.
5) There is not limit on age, location and ethnicity.

Submit all entries to poetsolvers@gmail.com before 20th of June, 2007.

So get going guys, check out Dipo's blog for more info.

Note: N33,000 is about $260



ROLL CALL: Naija Bloggers - The Book

The call continues to all Nigerian bloggers, worldwide to become a part of An anthology of the greatest works of Nigerian Bloggers- A book called Naija bloggers Vol 1.

Nigerian Bloggers around the globe are requested to send in their stories for publication in a physical anthology, the first of its kind by any group of bloggers on any continent. The categories are anecdotes, short stories, poetry, prose, drama and essays but there is room for as many sub-categories as are sent in as the book will also serve as a platform where artistes can showcase architectural/interior/exterior designs, photography, paintings as well as fashion and textile designs. Submissions are therefore welcome on any topic whether covered here or not.

Submissions should be sent to nigerianbloggers@yahoo.com not later than Friday, June the 15th 2007 stating date of blogging and blogname/address.

Finally, what we've been waiting for:

It's finally here (well it's been here almost a week now), you can listen to the contestants on the Blogville Idols page instantly. Brought to you by Pink-Peke productions (Pink-Satin and Opeke).

Also, see and/or listen to the Judges results here

Check it out, really cool and make sure you vote. You can listen to them online now!!!

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Suzy Peaches' Fruit Basket (Issue #10)

Hello my lovely readers,

I trust you are well. I am very well - Thank you. I can see that you all have been talking about me – lol. Just to set the record straight Mona is not Suzy Peaches – Even though she wished she was (lol). Enough said.

I have also been accused for teasing you by starting conversations and never completing them. On that note I’ve decided to visit Singleton Street, the story will be continued next week.

Staying on the Singleton Street theme, and after much contemplation I have decided to share my list of Mays & Musts. Please feel free to comment on them – they are very much a work in progress (abit like me). So here it goes……………

I must admit my list has changed drastically in the last year, but I thought I should still include my old list just so you see where I am coming from. I have a feeling that this list may more spark conversations as to who Suzy is… if you have sussed my real identity please keep it to yourself - Thank you. Here are the lists . . .


OLD:

My Husband will be . . .


Appearance – Tall, Dark, Handsome, Broad-Chested, White Teeth.

Character – God Fearing, Honest, Trustworthy, Caring, Patient and Humble

Ambition - Good Job/ Career Path, House & Car

Personality – Funny, Light hearted, Sociable


NEW:

My Husband will be . . .

1. My friend - my best friend
2. A man who will love me more than I could love myself
3. A man who would love me more than I could ever love him
4. A man who will love me unconditionally
5. A man who seeks and longs for my happiness
6. A man who could show and teach me how to love
7. A man who fears God, more than man
8. A man who loves God, more than man
9. A man who seeks and longs to please God
10. A man not afraid to show true emotion
11. A man not afraid to cry
12. A man who will love me where I am at – on the way to where I am going
13. A man who can see past my imperfections and fears
14. A man who respects me for who I am and loves for who I can be.
15. A man who realises it is not about us – and understands that love is bigger than us.
16. A man who will bring me to my place of rest
17. A man who is able and willing to forgive and forget
18. A man who understands me
19. A man that I can Trust
20. A that I can believe in
21. A man that I will never give up
22. A man who brings out the best in me
23. A man who respects me
24. A man who knows right from wrong
25. A man with a mind of his own who is not easily influenced by his friends
26. A discerning man
27. A man who is sensitive to his conscience
28.
29.
30.
31.

And the list goes on ... I can hear you scream that is too much. But it’s because I am worth it. I too am working on myself to make sure that I can be the same for him. – Lol. Lets me know which ones you particularly like! I’m off home now. Enjoy your weekend. Byeeeeeeeee.

In The Zone

Yup yup! I am in the Blogging Zone right now, better enjoy it while it lasts. Naija to the Core means Naija-related stuff so:

The Mag - MADE MEN (mademags.com)

Started by young Nigerian Entrepreneurs, Made Men Magazine is a Lifestyle Magazine for African men. In particular, I believe it is the first Nigerian Mag for men so there you go! We can't keep True Loving and Genevieving when the guys have nothing to read, then we complain they are always out, maybe this'll keep 'em at home (yeah, okay..) hehe.

Their Recent News says:

"Made Launched with 5000 copies on sunday 3rd june.The 1st issue is the entertainment issue. The 2nd issue is the Fashion issue.Who do you want to see on the cover??From the 6th June 2007 Made Mag.will be available on Virgin Nigeira business class seats,its available via subscription on the net & the magazine,its also available at all outlets from Nu metro Palms and Silverbird to hotels bookshops etc."

Anywhoo, it looks really glossy and classy and fab. Check out the site - you gotta love it!

The Event - NAIJA REUNION '07 (naijaevolution.com)

They have been publicising this for a while now and we are almost there. Website www.naijaevolution.com

Thursday is the deadline to book a room @ the discount rate of $84 a night i.e. 7th of June. The hotel rooms are almost fully booked under the group code. You have 2 days left.

To book your hotel:

Simply call....713-974-1000 and tell them you are using the group code "DJV" or go to their website,,.. by clicking on the link below and enter the group code "DJV" www.westchase.hilton.com

Hilton Houston Westchase

999 Westheimer Road,
Houston Texas 77042

For pictures of the pre-reunion party, check out http://www.dejavunet.com

The Idea - Miss Plus Size Africa Pageant '07 (missplusafrica.org)

Picture Source: Bella Naija

AH, well I don't know how innovative this is since Africa is filled with voluptous women, but before you throw stones at me, I got this from Bella Naija's blog. Sounds great though.....

Visit Miss Plus Size Africa

The Petition - McDonald's McJob (changethedefinition.com)




Okay, this has been going on in the news for a bit now and I chose to ignore it but this now just takes the absolute biscuit! McDonald's wants the definition of a McJob (in the Oxford English dictionary) to be changed......or lifted. Right now, it's defined as "an unstimulating, low-paid job with few prospects, esp. one created by the expansion of the service sector.”

LOL (no *ish) whilst on the other hand, McDonald's has won several awards and been described as one of .........wait for it:

1) The Times Top 100 Graduate Employers 2006
2) Financial Times Best Workplaces UK 2007

3) Best Place To Work in Hospitality Award 2007
4) Working Families Employer Award 2006
5) Britain's Top Employers 2007
6) The Times Top 50 Where Women Want To Work 2006

Rrrrright, so this is sort of a big deal then. What do you think? Here is the petition - changethedefinition dot com you decide.

Mona's Trivia

A fellow blogger inspired the first question :o)

1) For those who have never seen me before. How do you think I look (by looking at my writing style or whatever)? Tell me in five words e.g. warm, chubby, short, bla and bla. Everyone else who knows or has seen me can participate though but you can't answer based on what you know.

2) If you were a fruit, what would you be?

I would be a cross between a strawberry (shapey) and a melon (sweet) lol so maybe a cherry :o)

3) For fun trivia questions e.g. Which Family Guy character are you? Check out www.brainfall.com

Please leave your answers in the comments section.

Also, check out my friend's wedding website for pics - www.bisiandofon.com/photos.html

The Two Sides of Nigeria

Picture source - Photo Essays at TIME.com

I think this is really cool, check out this link to view TIME/CNN pictures on poverty and prosperity simultaneously going on in the same Nigeria. Read picture titles :o)

ESTELLA COUTURE

Pictures from Estellacouture.com

This lovely lady, Estella Ogbona started fashion designing as early as six years old and now designs haute couture and runway ensembles. As NEA fashion designer of the year award winner, she stands out because of her wide range of collections. Check out her website here.

I'm a big fan :o)

Nigeria video

In this video, PINK sings to ex-president of Nigeria Olusegun Obasanjo

Nigeria - It's Time For A Revolution: Created by Emanatestudio.com

The Afrobeat Movement - The blog

Excerpt from the blog (theafrobeat.blogspot.com): The Afro Beat is a club/ forum/ virtual gathering place for individuals of Nigerian heritage or association, who (amongst other things) would like to do lotsa chatting and noise-making in the hopes of getting the sleeping giant to wake up! Read more about us here

Introducing - MOTONIGERIA DOT COM

Well.........not really introducing as it's been around for a while but check out our very own Naija Autotrader - Motonigeria.com